Sex, toilet paper and a new housemate

It’s an exciting time when your cute other half suggests you should live together. Cue happy dance: I ran out and had matching key rings made that had “Home is wherever I’m with you” engraved on them. Gosh, I’m a dork.

You hear how he will keep you warm in winter and how you’ll have a captive audience when you need to have a whinge. However, what you don’t hear is the most important stuff!

Beware girlfriends, the truth regarding your new living arrangements below…

He has keys and can come home at any time.

When I say ‘any’ time, I mean the exact moment you’ve applied hair removal cream to your bikini and lip areas.

Think of your toilet paper consumption as a single lady, and then multiply it by approx. 2465.

You’ll be confused as to where the hell it goes; does he eat it while dropping the kids off at the pool? Why am I forever carrying loo paper through Aldi and out to my car?

You’ll need to explain, in detail, what a ‘bobby pin’ is.

It is a confusing contraption to men, especially when they find them ALL over the house.

He will want to have sex or a conversation at the exact moment you’re exhausted.

Let me just sleep.

He won’t appreciate your decorative bed pillows as much as you do.

FYI: they also pose an OH&S risk in the dark, after he’s flung them across the room.

Make the transition from sexy, “you want me” nighties to flannelette pyjamas a gradual change.

Explain that “shared” cupboard space equates to an 80/20 share.

Let’s be honest, your shoe collection is bigger than his entire wardrobe. The bathroom ‘share’ will be the trickiest. Ask what his top three bathroom products are, and then explain there is only room for those.

Good luck ladies, I hope this helps.


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