A community service announcement; gather around while I climb upon my soap box and cross my fingers that I don’t come across like an ungrateful cow… but
Please stop asking me when I’m getting engaged.
At the risk of sounding unappreciative that you even care enough to ask (which I’m not, thank you for your interest), it’s getting to me.
It was like someone sounded a social siren at our two-year mark to indicate it was time we move to the next life milestone. I get asked at least once a day, I don’t even want to know what that number is for my partner.
You’ll often hear me bat back a sassy quip like “we’ll get engaged when we win lotto and can afford that diamond the size of my face!”, or, “wedding? Have you seen how much our family drink? I’ll be paying off the bar tab for five years!”
We laugh, the topic of conversation changes and we both go about our merry way. The truth is, asking me about when I’m getting engaged makes me incredibly anxious.
I feel pressure to reach an important milestone in your time, not mine.
I feel judged about whether my relationship is solid and committed if there’s no ring that proves there is long-term commitment.
It feels like there are more important questions I’d love for you to ask instead. Like: ‘Are you happy?’
Also, who says I’m getting married?
John Farnham says it best: take the pressure down. Cause I can feel it, its rising like a storm.
Kristen Henry and her partner Iain.
My heart drops when people ask my partner about popping the question and I’m standing RIGHT NEXT TO HIM. All aboard the awkward express. I watch the poor guy blush, take a deep breath and say “not today”.
(Sidenote, I’m going to choose to hear that he’s gritting his teeth regarding the pressure to ask, not the actual idea of it!)
I worry that he’ll feel pressured to ask, not because he’s ready but because society is ready. That’s the last thing I want or need.
Why are we always searching for what is next rather than living in the moment?
Kristen Henry is sick of people asking when she’s getting engaged to her boyfriend Iain.
You’re engaged and people ask when’s the wedding. You’re married and people ask are you planning a bub. Your baby isn’t out of nappies and you’re fielding questions about whether you’re thinking about another.
It’s a human thing to ask each other about the next step. We’re interested, I get it.
There are couples out there that don’t want and or need a piece of paper to confirm what they already know – that they’re a killer team.
There are couples who get married and decide kids aren’t for them. Or, there are couples who can’t have kids. Asking about the next step could be a painful question for some.
Loved up and happy, but not engaged. So what?
Let’s make a pact that we enjoy today, enjoy the moment. Ask each other if you’re enjoying what you’re doing. Hell, ask if they’d like a glass of wine.
Let’s stop asking about the next step – because it makes us feel like we’re failing if we don’t get there on society’s clock.
Kristen Henry is one half of Kristen and Wilco for Breakfast on MIX 106.3 in Canberra. Follow her adventures here.