Picture your favourite pub or club. Now picture the girls toilets.
Whether you’ve hit peak hour and the line snakes out the door or it’s still early in the night, you can count on one thing when you hit the ladies loo: There are five types of women in the toilet.
The question is, which one are you?
1. THE CRIER
Oh, we all know her. Hell if we’re honest, we’ve all been her. She’s broken up with her boyfriend, had a fight with the Best Friend or *insert drama here* that’s brought her to tears.
You’ll usually find her in the far corner near the hand drier, explaining to a friend what’s happened using over exaggerated hand gestures. Friend is wiping away tears, applying fresh foundation and asking her to flick the Beyoncé switch so they can return to the dance floor.
2. THE LONG LOST BFF
She bombards you with questions as soon as you exit the stall: “Have we met?” “Did you go to *insert high school here*? “Was that you with the blond on the dancefloor?” Before you know it this stranger at the basin has your full name and has added you to Facey and Insta before you’ve even washed your hands.
The long lost BFF is on for a chat, she’s a ball of laughs and more than likely about to shout you a round at the bar.
3. THE FASHION CRITIC
Michael Kors and Stella McCartney’s love child has opinions and she’s not afraid to air them. She’s the one telling you she loves your dress or asking where you got your shoes.
The Fashion Critic tells you when you’ve got lippy on your teeth, paper on your shoe or has opinions on whose skirt is too short. She also has an uncanny way of guessing who has fake boobs and weirdly getting them to show her in the toilets.
4. THE BORROWER
Ever been doing your business and a hand appears under the side wall while a sweet voice asks “do you have any spare toilet paper?” That’s the borrower. She’s perpetually unprepared for her toilet jaunt and borrowing a bit of lip-gloss at the mirror or your charger because her phone died.
She’s loveable, funny and will probably ask to borrow your jacket on the way to the taxi.
5. THE WAITER
She doesn’t even need to go to the toilet. She’s standing in a smelly, crowded hell hole of crying, bitchy women, waiting. For you. Because she didn’t want you to go alone.
We love The Waiter. She’s more than likely driving The Crier and The Fashion Critic home.